Bildungsnotstand auf Englisch
#1
Subject: Why Teachers Drink

This is from someone who teaches and these are answers by real 16 yr. olds. All I can say is God help us please.

The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds) and soon they will be voting!



Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A.. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (eg, the abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.

The brainier contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U. (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section'.
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure: I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
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#2
[Bild: grhl.gif?t=1221375577]

Aber zur Ehrenrettung der gescholtenen Eleven:
soooo falsch sind manche Antworten eigentlich gar nicht...

Und durch ihren Wortschatz und ihre Intonation
bietet sich die engl. Sprache für Missverständnisse schon grandios an MrGreen

Grandios auch die deutsche Jugend:

nachdem der Reporter bei seiner Straßenumfrage nach dem Sinn von Weihnachten
ein aufs andere Mal mit dem Stichwort "Auferstehung" konfrontiert wurde,
erhellte sich seine Miene voller Freude, als er endlich die Antwort "Geburt Christi" bekam.

Die Erklärung, auf welche Weise denn Christus gezeugt wurde,
stürzte ihn sogleich wieder ins Tal der Verzweiflung:

"Na, wie üblich halt -
indem Jesus mit seiner Frau Maria geschlafen hat..."

[INDENT] [Bild: c110.gif] [/INDENT]
Gruß,
Hans
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#3
Zitat:Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant)
Nobelpreis sofort verleihen!!!

Was das an Tetrapaks einspart wenn so ein Frischmilchspender genutzt würde. MrGreen

Cu Helmut
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